written by Holly Andersen
I grew up in Stockton. I went to school in Stockton Unified through high school, attempted to play many sports, took music lessons for a whole host of instruments and attended St. Andrew's Lutheran Church since birth. I was blessed to have a loving, supportive immediate family, extended family in town/near by, and a circle of friends and friend's parents who served as mentors for me as I grew up. I had people who poured into my life, who showed me love, loyalty, and put up with my opinionated, stubborn self. After high school I left California to attend Valparaiso University in Indiana with the aim of working in a church. From Indiana I ventured to the Pacific Northwest and worked both at an outdoor ministry camp and later as a Music Director for a congregation in Lacey, Washington. After seven years away from living in Stockton full time I returned to serve in my home congregation.
The streets and many faces were familiar and yet, many streets, places, and faces were new. I found myself in a congregation where the mission of God, His desire to reconcile and restore all of creation to himself, was most important. I also found myself in a congregation where people were longing to understand how they could possibly live out that mission in their own lives; a classic case of "We understand that there is a mission and that we are part of it" paired with" but we aren't sure what that means for our own daily lives or don't know how to live in out where we are at right now".
Strangely enough I found myself in a similar position. Working for a congregation can sometimes make it difficult to have time to really get involved outside of that congregation and it's ministries. As a staff member I realized that not everyone could be involved in everything going on at St. Andrew's and so it was important for the people of St. Andrew's to know how to live out their faith in Christ both when they were surrounded by other believers serving the community together (think The Park Ministry, Good Shepherd, MOPS, TeenMOPS/POPS, etc.) but also when they were out "on their own" - at work, at the dinner table, at the gym, at the grocery store, walking down the street, etc. - because that is where living the mission of God in daily life happens.
It is the second part of that realization, the importance of serving when "on my own" out in the community, that led me to focus on finding a way to get connected to people and places apart from ministries directly related to St. Andrew's. As I considered where I might want to serve I immediately thought about my interests (pretty much everything) and where I might be best able to use the gifts and talents I have been given by God. Well, as anyone who is interested in just about everything will tell you, it is hard to decide where you want to get involved when everything seems like an option. I initially signed up to be a volunteer in the city's Victim Witness program but due to an error on my part ended up not being able to do so - and it wasn't even an "apply again next year" situation, it was a "you're not going to be able to do this ever" kind of situation. I felt really bad, especially since it was my error that led to that outcome. I expressed my disappointment to a couple of friends who had been hearing me talk about my desire to get involved in the community in some way. I felt kind of stuck, not sure where to go next when one of those same friends mentioned that St. Mary's Dining Room was looking for volunteers in their social services department. I didn't know exactly what that would entail or if I would even be able to help (I knew nothing about what services were available in Stockton or how to get connected to those services) but I still felt I should check it out.
When I initially met with the Social Services Director I was up front in communicating that I was pretty much in the dark about what social services were available in Stockton and that I wasn't really sure if I was the best person for the position. She indicated that what was most important was having a willingness to listen and be there for people when they come in and are looking for assistance. One part of St. Mary's mission is to restore human dignity to those they serve. Taking the time to listen and to be present with a person when they are going through a difficult situation is one way that we show people that they are valuable, that they are worth our time and energy. This is true of anyone, whether they are homeless or not. Having the desire and the ability to listen was more important than knowing about every service available (and there are many); that is something I could learn on the job. So, I signed up. Since March of 2013 I have spent Tuesday mornings meeting with clients, both long-term clients, and walk-ins who I may see only once. In the year and a half I have been serving there I have indeed learned a great deal about what services are available for people who are coming from a variety of different life circumstances. Of everything that I have learned about San Joaquin County, the city of Stockton, Social Security, WorkNet, homelessness, and St. Mary's Dining Room there is one aspect of serving others that has been invaluable: if I am going to serve anyone I need to listen first and talk second.
This might seem obvious (I know that I've heard a saying that reminds us that we have two ears and one mouth so we should be listening twice as much as week speak) but let me explain. I have never been homeless. I have good relationships with my family, and friends that I treasure. I've been blessed with the opportunity to get an education. I have a job. I am healthy. I have faith in a God that gives me hope for the restoration of everything around me. These are what make up the foundation of my life experiences and greatly impact how I look at and see the world around me. More often than not this is not where the people who I am serving and working with are coming from. It would be easy to listen to their concerns and give them a response that would, at it's most basic level, communicate, "Just do what I would do and you'll be fine". It is much easier to speak from our own life experiences, after all they are what we know best, than to really understand someone else's. What if a client has a chronic illness? What if they don't have family or friends looking out for them? What if their family and friends are actually bad influences, who are they to turn to for support and encouragement while they are looking for work/housing/a place to feel valued and loved?
I've learned that I need to listen first and talk second because I need to understand who the person is sitting across the room from me and find a way to support them and walk them through making life changing steps that they are able to sustain based on where they are coming from not from where I am coming from. This kind of listening requires suspending personal judgement - something that is difficult for us all in any and all circumstances in life. It requires asking different questions and getting to know a person in a different way than we are used to. Volunteering at St. Mary's has changed my life, in ways that I can see and I am sure in many ways that I have yet begun to fully understand. It has helped me to see my own position at St. Andrew's and how I live out my own faith differently as well.
Too often I have had the sense that I need to know everything about something, or be skilled in order to serve or be of help. (How often have I used the excuse of not feeling like I know enough to not step out in faith to where God might be guiding me? Too often). But through what I have learned at St. Mary's I feel like God has given me just a little glimpse of what it means to trust and follow him. Back in 2013 it would have been all too easy to say "I don't know anything about the social services in Stockton so I wouldn't be any good at that" and not even make an effort to get more information. BUT part of living out our faith is learning that we aren't always going to have the answers or necessarily be highly skilled for something to which God has called us. AND, in realizing the importance of listening I feel that I've also learned, for me at least, that when I feel really prepared for something or feel like I know all the answers I focus on what I'm doing in a situation rather than what God is doing in that same situation. I depend on myself rather than on God. I trust myself rather than placing my trust in God.
As I continue to serve at St. Mary's, to grow in my own faith and understanding of who God is shaping me to be, I continue to learn what it means to look first to God, to trust in him working in my life, relationships, and community. It too requires more listening than talking.
God's peace to you!
